Great week

I am really looking forward to this week!  I have a couple meet ups with friends planned, I'm going to some of my favorite yoga classes, I have the weekend off, and greatest of all my family is coming to town!  

I am ecstatic to be able to share some time with them and really get to relax. It is so rare that I get to see them that when I do it's such a great feeling. I often feel like I am missing out on a lot because my nieces and nephew are growing up 350 miles away. When I see them they have grown so much and it's like I am getting to know them all over again.  I'm so excited to cuddle with my adorable nephew, have great talks and laughs with my brother, and spend much needed quality time with my sister in law. 

Great week!! It can pretty much be summarized with this picture:

Metanoia

This morning, as I am sitting in the quiet room at school trying to study I have learned a new word that happens to apply directly to my life.

I LOVE this definition.  For the past two years or so, I have embarked on this journey to change my life for the better but have often stumbled and fallen off the path.  But, this definition reminded me that metanoia is a journey.  Journeys have missteps and mistakes but that doesn't mean the journey is abandoned...it just means you get your compass back out and get back on track.

I have been striving towards developing more compassion in my life but have found that it is difficult at times.  Sometimes I am in a rush and I speed around the car in front of me blaming them for making me late instead of having patience.  Many times when people ask me a question at work that I have answered countless of times I become frustrated (i.e. what's a short stack?  what kind of eggs are runny in the middle but the whites are cooked?).  There are so many times in my everyday life when I have the opportunity to show patience, compassion, and love towards other human beings but I mess it up.  I often become discouraged and think that I am an awful person.  But this morning, I was reminded that this crazy adventure called life and any changes we try to make to it is ultimately a journey.  I am bound to stumble many more times but as long as I get back up and continue to try, there is still progress.

I hope this applies to someone else as well and this reminder helps you to realize that this life must be taken one step at a time.  Sometimes those steps feel huge but in the end they are still just one step.  Life can seem overwhelming when we look at the giant mountain we have to climb but when you look just to the next foothold it is totally doable.

One Year

Today I took and passed my last final of Term 5 which marks the end of my first year of nursing school.  That is totally bizarre!  A year ago I was a completely different person.  A year ago I didn't know all of the wonderful people I've met while in school.  A year ago I didn't have the confidence in myself that I do today.

It truly is a massive achievement for me to say that I have one year under my belt and less than 2 1/2 to go.  I have worked really hard to do well because in a way, I felt that this was my chance to do it right.  In high school, I was highly unmotivated to do anything.  I scraped by and just wanted to graduate.  So, when I arrived at West Coast's door I knew it was my opportunity to start again.  I had no prior GPA at this school or any sort of reputation.  I had the wonderful chance to take this program and make it into something awesome.

And it really has been awesome.  I have met AH-mazing people along the way that I can truly say will be lifelong friends.  I've grown tremendously with these people and shared life with this people.  It has been an awesome experience to get to know their stories and to have them invite me into their lives.  Some of them are moving into different parts of the program now and although that makes me sad to say goodbye, I know that it is still only the beginning.  As the title of my blog says...The Best is Yet to Come.

As I move into my second year at West Coast, I am SO excited to see what else I will experience, how I will grow, and who I will meet.  But I am also excited to grow the relationships I have established already and to see where they take me in the future.

Yoga

Today I had my very first experience with yoga and let me tell you, it was amazing.

But first, let me back track...

I have a good friend who is a yoga teacher who I work with.  She is always telling me about yoga and how it changed her life.  So, at the beginning of 2014 I wanted to get a yoga membership but for whatever reason it just never happened.  Since then she has invited me to quite a few free yoga classes and it wasn't until today that I took her up on it.  I am so glad I did.

Traditional work outs have always been really hit or miss for me.  When I try running, I can't breathe.  When I try to do weights, I don't know what I'm doing or if I am doing it properly.  Not to mention I have always had joint problems that cause me a lot of pain.

But, yoga is none of those things.  I left class feeling relaxed and energized all at the same time.  Yoga is all about breath so I never felt like I couldn't breathe.  I got to stretch out my hips and focus on the tight spots in my body.  It was the most challenging and yet rewarding work out I have ever experienced!

I cannot wait to go back!

Pain

I just finished reading "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green.  My heart feels as if it has been torn from my chest.  It is such a beautiful book that depicts a relationship with cancer that I find tangible.

When someone is hurting, I have a hard time knowing what to say.  I don't want to tell them that it will be okay (even if I know it will) but what is the other alternative?  Do I say that "yes this sucks and it is totally unfair"?  Do I be heartless and tell them to get over it?  In moments like these I have resorted to just trying to listen.

However, when I read the quote attached to this blog post it all became clear to me what hurting people need.  It should have been clear to me all along because this is exactly what I crave when I am broken.

To quote the book The Fault in Our Stars--

“That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.”

This is SO true.  We cannot skip over the pain.  Maybe we can try to dismiss it for a while, but it will linger and fester until we feel it.  In other words, there is no way out of the dark forest except through it.  

I have quite a few friends that are hurting right now whether from broken relationships, sickness, or death and I finally know how to comfort them.  Thanks John Green.  

Money

I have learned a lot about life in my short 22 years on this earth.  It truly is a wonderful life that I am living despite obstacles that have come my way.  One of the many things that I am constantly learning to be true is that money is just that...it's money.  Money will always come and go.  Especially working as a waitress, there will be times when the money is great and there will be times when the money flow is just a trickle.

And no matter what there is some unwritten law somewhere that says "Hey, look! They are struggling for money, let's give 'em a flat tire or a hospital bill or an unexpected plane trip home!" Everyone can relate to that I'm sure!  

This learning process was even further solidified in my mind today when I had to take my car into the dealership.  The "service is due" light has been on for about 800 miles and it was frustrating me because service wasn't supposed to be due for another 4,000 miles!  But, when I took it in they told me that my 75,000 mile tune up could be done now just to get it taken care of and to have piece of mind.  That sounds great until the cost was shown to me... I did not wake up today thinking I was going to spend $1,000 dollars on my car.  When they told me that number I must admit that my heart had a mini panic attack!  BUT...and here is the greatest BUT I have learned this year....money is only money.  If I chose to wait for the tune up, I would have had to do it in 4,000 miles anyway.  And who knows what money will be like then?!

My husband and I are extremely blessed when it comes to money.  I will never say that we are poor.  I have seen truly poor people and I will never dare to compare my struggles to theirs.  But there are times when I have no idea where the money went.  And it used to stress me out to an extreme.  If I could I would hoard all my money!  And that is a problem.

I am learning to find a happy medium.  I want to experience life with these blessings we have been given.  But I also want to have the finances to take care of my loved ones if need be.

Money comes and goes...but the time I have with family and friends is just right now.  Tomorrow is not promised to me.

This is definitely a wonderful thing to learn.  Plus, I got a fancy loaner car out of it.  :P  

Finals week and other things

It has been quite a while since I've posted anything but hey, I have good reason.  For one thing, school has been very demanding lately and has required the majority of my attention (my poor husband).  Another thing that has kept me from posting is the fact that I am growing substantially in my way of thinking.  Let me explain...

About two weeks ago I finally had enough of the way I was acting and being perceived.  Because of the way I reacted to the stresses associated with work, school, and home life, I had become a very negative person.  Negativity flowed off of me in waves and crashed into anyone who happened to be around me.  That didn't make anyone else happy and it sure as hell didn't make me happy.  I knew for quite a while that this was happening but I was going about trying to change it in all the wrong ways.  I was trying (desperately) to change my environment.  I wanted out of my job so badly.  I hated it and every day showing up to work was the worst day ever.  (Dramatic, I know.)  I wanted more friends desperately.  I wanted a better relationship with my family desperately.  Let me tell you that desperation may drive some people to do the impossible and thats great but for me desperation was not breeding the kind of results I wanted.

At the deepest part of me, I wanted to be peaceful.  I want to let stress roll right off of me instead of taking it in and magnifying it.  I want to bring joy to other people's lives and be someone that people love to be around.  I want to be zen.

I had talked to a friend about my extreme dislike of the negative person I had become and we chatted about how easy it is to become negative when working with the public.  People can be demanding and rude and downright annoying.  And when you're hot and sweaty and tired and worried about all the things you have to do after work the last thing you want is some rude person asking something else of you.  So, I decided to cut it out.  People will always be demanding and rude and annoying.  I can't change them and honestly I don't want to try.  I can control my reaction to them though.  So, for the last two weeks I have been working on my negativity and I have never been so happy.  There are still plenty of moments of being overwhelmed but I am learning to recognize when I am getting overwhelmed, to take a step back, and to breathe.

Inhale, exhale...deep breaths...

It totally works for me.  It allows me a moment of calm in the chaos.  A moment to relax.  Let anger go.  Let fear go.  Let anxiety go.  Let pain, worry, stress, go.

It is still a work in progress and I'm sure I still have a long way to go but I am getting there.

In other news, I am using this blog post to distract myself from studying for finals....it is finals week and I am SO excited to be rid of this term.  Ten weeks may not seem like a lot of time and in some ways it truly isn't but this ten weeks felt like an eternity.  I will be so glad when it is over.  I am also excited because my birthday is in 6 days and I am so glad I have amazing friends to spend it with this year.  I am ALSO excited to visit my family up in Santa Cruz for 6 days after my birthday.  It is going to be a good couple of weeks.

The Past

It's really easy to let your past define you. All of us have issues...cracks, breaks, scratches, dings--whatever. We all have had heart breaks. We have had our worlds rocked and sometimes shattered. We have all lost someone either through death or from lack of familiarity. We have all fought for things we know to be true and all of us have also lost many of those battles. 

When I think about my past there is a lot that comes to mind. I grew up in an rv park in not the best part of town. My mobile home didn't have marble floors or fine china in the kitchen. I didn't wear the latest fashions. We didn't even have a shower. To shower we walked down the street to the shower room. However, my home had me, my mom, my dad, and my brother, Michael. It also had a lot of pets. Somehow, despite their differences, my parents made it work for the entirety of my childhood. It wasn't until I graduated that they got divorced. My dad used up his social security benefits sending me to a pretentious school that gave me the skill and knowledge to succeed in any sort of academic pursuit. I learned quickly that money is not everything. Money does not produce happiness. Actually, most of the people I knew in high school who seemed to have everything were awful people. They were rude and mean.  They were cruel and I had to take time after graduation to sort through my feelings about that.  Even my parents' bosses, who had more money than I could ever even know what to do with, were the worst people I had ever met. They taught me that respect should not just be freely given. Respect is earned. Just because you are older than me or have more money than me doesn't make you a respectable person. Actually, in my experience, it usually means you're an asshole. 

Because of my past...because of the things that I've been through--the things I have witnessed, I have developed into someone I am proud to be. I am compassionate to a fault. I don't let people push me around. I fight for those I care about. I listen to anyone who needs a friend. Because of my failures and my triumphs I have ended up where I am today. I have met beautiful people who are a thousand times better than those people in high school. These people are not perfect and the best part is that they don't pretend to be! I don't feel embarrassed to be myself around them because they know who I am. They have seen me at my lowest points and at my highest. 

Because of my past...I have learned that all that matters is you. We get one shot at this life. Why not make it the biggest and greatest life imaginable? Why not be the best person you can possibly be? Why not cut yourself a break and know that you will never measure up in your eyes  when you compare yourself to anyone. Why not stop comparing? Why not just forget them?  Forget all the bullshit, all the lies, the guilt, the craziness of adolescence...why not let go of the hurt, the thinking that you're not good enough for this group or not perfect enough for this clique? Every morning you wake up with a choice to be whoever you want to be! Do you want to be more productive? Then be that person. More kind? Do it. More thoughtful? More whatever! Just go do it. Don't let the past trap you from becoming who you were destined to be. The past isn't coming back. Whoever you were then and whoever you are now are two completely different people. Don't let this new person who is constantly evolving be sucked into the poisonous mindset that you're not good enough because of who you were or because of where you came from. You are capable of great things. Now, just go out and do them. 

New year

Tomorrow is going to be the 18th day of 2014! That is craziness! Already this year I have celebrated two birthdays, gone through a week of finals with A's in both of my classes, and applied to be a tutor. Soon to come, I will be heading to Nebraska to spend a week with my best friend and then starting my fourth term in this journey to become a nurse. So much is happening already this year and it feels great! 

At the moment I am reading a book entitled "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...And it's All Small Stuff." I am working through it slowly and am currently stuck on the chapter about not interrupting people. Now, this one obviously seems like a no brainer, right? It is rude to interrupt someone when they are talking, right? But, honestly, until I read that chapter and then was consciously aware of my conversations, I had no idea how many times I interrupt people when talking to someone. 

You might be thinking "oh, well, she's rude and should learn some manners," but that's not the whole picture. I'm not interrupting someone on purpose! I'm trying to contribute to the conversation! 

My book told me that interrupting while someone is speaking is ourselves either consciously or subconsciously trying to speed the conversation along. But, if we were to take the time to let someone get their thoughts out, the conversation would flow so much better. 

Still working on this one...

Big money...

I had an appointment with the financial aid office at my school today to discuss my tuition and loans for this upcoming academic year starting in April 2014.  Usually, talking about such big money (about 137,000 dollars) really freaks me out! But, today as I sat there talking about what my options were to pay my remaining bill, I was surprisingly calm.

Something I have really learned this past year is that money is only money.  Money comes and goes.  Nothing good comes about from hoarding large sums of money.  When you die, you will NOT take it with you.

Don't get me wrong, I think being financially intelligent and not spending money frivolously is the right way to go.  I am all about investing and paying your bills on time.  I have a savings plan that I add into all the time.

What I'm saying is, there is no real reason to be stressed about money.  Stress has major impact on one's health and life expectancy. Stress damages your heart, your brain, your skin....the list goes on and on.

Whatever happens is going to happen and most of the time there is nothing you can do about it, and if there is something you can do about it, then do it.  Its that simple.  My theory is do your best everyday, do what you are supposed to do, and then hope everything works out because you've put in the work to make it so.  And then, if it doesn't put in the work to make it right again.

Deep thoughts for a Thursday...but I was inspired when on my way home from my financial aid appointment I saw a major car crash.  All I could think was "things could be SO much worse..." then my financial worries for the future.  I am healthy, my husband and my family and all the people I care about are healthy.  Life is good.    

So far...

Feeling very tired today but despite the sleepiness, 2014 has started off extremely well. I've had the opportunity to spend time with my husband and his family and with friends. I've had the opportunity to do a lot of relaxing despite having finals coming up. I've had the opportunity to be there for a friend when they truly needed it...

I'd say that 2014 is shaping up to be a great year and it's only the fifth day in!  I've learned a lot about patience so far (because I locked myself out of my apartment), about the importance of rest, and the need for trying new things. 

So, for the rest of 2014, I say "bring it on!"